Priorites n Relations

This has been a long month for me ... i guess i am getting stuck in the day to day rat race again...
Leaves me alot less time to ponder around with my thoughts :)

Maybe this is life's way of saying this is all you need to know now my friend ... and all your unanswered questions will come with age.. Well guess i will have to wait ...

i was driving back after short visit to a friends engagement ... had nothing better to do so picked up an old buddy and ended up at a movie. Post the movie we were just chilling and driving around the city ... around 3 am i finally decided to get my ass back home and hit the sack .. the drive back was a pleasure one finger on the steering and a foot on the accelerator ... wish everyday was like this ...

A strange thought popped into my head ..

i was looking at the priorities i had set in life for myself .. so far everything seemed to be well in control.

Family, Career, Friends, Relationships

Over the years i have done a healthy switch between these area's when needed and will keep doing so till the end of my time .. its a switch i firmly believe one needs to do in order to keep the show going

However never in my life except a casual relation a year back ...have i managed to give a relation the right priority .. either its overrated or completely underrated .. The only case where i could give it a healthy balance was where i had drawn an invisible line to hold back my emotions...

So why is it that in relations we give people priority when you are only an option to them ? and why is it that people give you priority when their are only an option to you ?

Something doesn't fit here .. i look around at the people i know and its not only me .. But i don't know anyone who has been able to give it the right balance ..

Maybe its just one of many facets of human nature ... Maybe its a mystery i will never have answers to.. Or maybe this is just the way it was meant to be...

Peace
Timber Da Wolf

Interest paid on trouble ....

"Worry is interest paid on trouble before its due" I am not sure where that line caught my eye.. But it has left an ever lasting imprint on my outlook...

For the longest time that i can remember i have had a care free approach to issues or situations which may be of grave concern (Very Bad Habit...) ... Not all of them have gone my way ... But them some battles are lost even before you start fighting them.. Over the years life has taught me to distinguish between things which you can help and things which you cannot...

Does worry help in resolving an issue or bailing one out of a troubled situation ?

Then why stress oneself ? and lose sleep or precious time over it

Its human nature ... i don't blame most to worry about things .. after all we do live in a world that pressurizes us from all sides....

Apply your efforts to situations or issues which you can help.. and Hope for a resolution... don't expect one

With time you will learn whats worth a fight and whats not..

Peace
Timber Da Wolf

After the Thrill of Living...

Life is what goes on... After the thrill of living is gone ...

Why is it a Thrill ? Well look back at your life and i am sure you will find your answers :)

Everything thats bought to life in this world .. Eventually gives in to death some day or the other
And with time a life filled with shared moments dissolves into a faded memory ... Of someone who once was...

Does life with the winds of change and its countless mysteries thrust us forward.. Well maybe it does
But then sometimes an individuals will does stand firm ground ..

6 AM and i hear the cell phone ring ... "Its Done" i am told ...

Life goes on .. and will keep going on long after we all are gone ...

Peace
Timber Da Wolf

A Feeling like none other.....

Everyone has goals ... Some set them earlier then most ...

Late Last night as i walked back home around 4 am. i stopped for a moment and looked up to the heavens.. With a light mist in my eyes i said "Thank You".... when i woke up this morning .. i woke up with a smile.. don't remember the last time that happened ....

Being the inquisitive type .. i couldn't stop but question this feeling which felt like none other....
A Big "Why ?" haunted me for hours together... was it the alcohol or the kick ass party ...or was it just something i wanted so bad for a long long time ...

I went and stood at my balcony lit up a smoke ... and looked back at my life for answers... when i reached a point 6 years from today i had set some goals ..... i was way over the deadline i had set for them....it was a little over ambitious now that i look back at it but i worked my ass of to meet them..... Aim for the stars and maybe you will reach the moon...

Things haven't quite gone the way i had planned in my personal or professional life ... Both have had a few big jerks in the past 6 years ... But for some strange reason i kept going without letting those factors influence me much ... maybe i really did want to reach those goals really bad ...

6 years can be a really long time to be set out to reach something one wanted ... a tiering feeling can grasp one as easy as the common cold ... in june 2007 such a feeling hit me and i just paused my life for 6 months and took a sabbatical to explore myself and the life i had lived for the past 26 years... what i learnt from these 6 months have been blissful and the end result = to a better and a smarter me ... walking whats left of the journey ahead .

Even though i took a sabbatical for 6 months and put my life on a pause.. the thrust i had put into things over the past 6 years finally rolled the cart over the finish line .. and i did not realize it till this moment ... but i had reached what i had set out to do ... and things only looked brighter from here on to set new goals .. which i have set today ... one i am confident of achieving the second .. well i could fail at .. but hey lets give it a shot ..

If one wants something really bad ... and Puts in the required effort.. it will come someday ...

As much as i would like to depend on luck .... to achieve my second goal .. its just a factor i don't bank on too much ... if one is not enough without it ... one will never be enough with it ...

we all just need some believing ...

Peace
Timber Da Wolf

Finding and Keeping a Life Partner..

A very interesting forward i came across a few weeks back

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one wants to make a mistake.

Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are
making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,
they'll say: "We're in love";

I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may
sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result
of a good marriage . When the other ingredients are right, then the
love will come.

Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love
alone"; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner :-

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married
for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone.


What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and
jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.


You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't
get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and
feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone
with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be
honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally
safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher
of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be
good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do
they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a
materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character
refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and

(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in
life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the
right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people
whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi
drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that
someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as
well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person
after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the
intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married.



As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to
change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this
person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are
dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key
issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with
a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because
you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective. ..

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or
at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around
you.

Pay attention... Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or
appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who
gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of
your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes
open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and
make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to
warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you
can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that
important.




Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make
someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are
the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF
COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will
replace.